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song [08 Nov 2006|11:50pm]
Wish this was written for me…

She’s Everything

She's a yellow pair of running shoes
A holey pair of jeans
She looks great in cheap sunglasses
She looks great in anything
She's I want a piece of chocolate
Take me to a movie
She's I can't find a thing to wear
Now and then she's moody

She's a Saturn with a sunroof
With her brown hair a-blowing
She's a soft place to land
And a good feeling knowing
She's a warm conversation
That I wouldn't miss for nothing
She's a fighter when she's mad
And she's a lover when she's loving

And she's everything I ever wanted
And everything I need
I talk about her, I go on and on and on
'Cause she's everything to me

She's a Saturday out on the town
And a church girl on Sunday
She's a cross around her neck
And a cuss word 'cause its Monday
She's a bubble bath and candles
Baby come and kiss me
She's a one glass of wine
And she's feeling kinda tipsy

She's the giver I wish I could be
And the stealer of the covers
She's a picture in my wallet
Of my unborn children's mother
She's the hand that I'm holding
When I'm on my knees and praying
She's the answer to my prayer
And she's the song that I'm playing

[Repeat chorus]

She's the voice I love to hear
Someday when I'm ninety
She's that wooden rocking chair
I want rocking right beside me
Everyday that passes
I only love her more
Yeah, she's the one
That I'd lay down my own life for

And she's everything I ever wanted
And everything I need
She's everything to me
Yeah she's everything to me

Everything I ever wanted
And everything I need
She's everything to me
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tear [23 Oct 2006|11:37pm]
The Invitation
By: Oriah Mountain Dreamer
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
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Back at school [03 Sep 2006|08:13pm]
Our room is sooooo cute! I love it so you'll all have to come and visit!

Classes start on Tuesday and I can't wait. I'm SO ready to get into a routine and the swing of things. I need a schedule and to really settle in. That's all.
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[19 Aug 2006|11:20am]
I am so angry! I want to stomp my feet and break plates and scream at the top of my lungs. At the same time I want to just break down and cry and not have to hide it, I want to curl up in my bed with my music blasting and I want to ask everyone to just leave me alone!

But the thing is, the person I’m so angry with is someone I’m not allowed to be frustrated with. I hate not having an outlet and I am so afraid that someone else is going to just set me off and I’ll explode all over them instead of who really deserves it.

Forget it. I can’t even explain how exactly I’m feeling…. I need to scream and cry and have no one listening when I do it….
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[12 Aug 2006|10:23pm]
Can you say hyperventilating?
2 comments|post comment

[10 Aug 2006|09:17pm]
Ok, so I know I haven’t updated in like a gazillion days, but I figured given today’s events it is a good day to do a quick update.

I HATE feeling helpless. So waking up this morning and being met with the same overwhelming feelings I felt almost 5 years ago, was not a pleasant wakeup call. Dad says, “Well it didn’t actually happen. So what are you so worried about?”

But I just can’t think that way. It’s scary to think that about what could have happened. I’m just not sure I could have dealt with it.

And in all honestly, I don’t think I ever really handled what happened on September 11. Seeing the horrible previews for the movies coming out about it make me want to throw up. I actually cried when I saw one of the previews in the theater. How can people possibly make a profit from what happened?!

Yes, I know that the same thing happened with things like Pearl Harbor or Titanic. But the difference is those things happened 60 years ago, almost 100 years ago. I just can’t possibly understand how after not even five years, people are already profiting for it…

Anyway, this is just one of the many things that is bothering me and one of the many things making me feel helpless. Off to think about something else for a while.
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[11 Jun 2006|10:38pm]
So, I’ve been reading this book, I am a Pencil and I finished it a couple days ago. (For anyone interested in teaching I highly recommend it. It’s about a reading/ writing teacher who teaches in Queens and follows his students’ lives and writing progress over three years.) Anyway… the book ends with this quote: “Teaching is like reading a fascinating novel that you lose before you’ve finished the story.” At first it really didn’t register with me, but the more I thought about it the sadder I felt about teaching. Don’t get me wrong, I still wouldn’t want to do anything else with my life, but the idea of devoting myself to a group of kids for a year, just to have them move on seems heartbreaking. I don’t really have any more to say about that. I just loved the quote and needed somewhere to put it :)
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[02 Jun 2006|11:24pm]
I see the girl I wanna be
Riding bare back, care free along the shore
If only that someone was me
Jumpin head first headlong without a thought
To act and damn the consequence
I wish it could be that easy
But fear surrounds me like a fence
I wanna break free

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, not feel scared

wild horses I want to be like u
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like im longing too
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!
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[21 May 2006|11:09pm]
I’m so friggin lonely. Not in the no-ones-around-and-I’m-by-myself sense, but more in the when-the-rooms-full-I’m-still-alone sense. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to scary anyone and I’m certainly not depressed or anything. I just feel like there is something missing, there is a piece of me that’s not completely full.

When I don’t have anything to do, my mind starts working over time and that only makes it worse. Today I tried to busy myself by cleaning. My room looks fan-freakin-tastic, but when I was throwing things out it was like throwing out memories.

I threw out over a hundred dollars worth of bath and body work products that I used once and then just sat on my shelves. Remember how that used to be the best gift? You could never go wrong with something from bath and body works.

I also threw out a ton of old scrap booking stuff. Some of the stuff just looks so juvenile. It’s hard to believe that some of it is ten years old. I found five scrap books that I started and then gave up on. Funny how quickly phases pass.

I also filed a lot of old pictures. Honestly, this was probably my favorite part. There were pictures from out last supper at the 99, and pictures from prom, pictures from MICCA Wakefield, pictures from Al’s house when she dressed up in her old dance costumes, pictures from BC and my first Halloween and birthday away from home. The pictures are only a few months old and yet they seem like a life time ago.

My God! Think back to this time last year! We were getting prom dates and buying prom tickets. We were renting houses and planning graduation parties. We were excited and scared at the same time. We were holding on tightly to high school, knowing that in only a couple months we would be forces to let go completely.

And now? We have an entire new life! We have another group of friends and people we can’t imagine our life without. We’ve learned to live on our own and take care of ourselves. We’re still clinging to high school, but are also being pulled towards college. We’ve made it through a fourth of our undergrad career and we’re one step closer to moving into the real world.

Crazy how much can change in a year.

ps- some notes on desperate housewives:
I thought Caleb was dead
I didn’t like that guy on sex and the city and I certainly don’t like him on DH.
I don’t get the connection between the dentist and Mike.
I loved how all the wives looked back in the day

Everybody wants to be loved
every once in a while
we all need someone to hold on to
just like a helpless child
can you whisper in my ear
let me know it's alright
it's been a long time coming
down this road
and now i know
what i've been waiting for
and like a lonely highway
i'm trying to get home

ooo loves been a long time coming
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[15 May 2006|05:28pm]
Why I want to be a teacher:

“A young girl was walking along a beach. To her amazement, she came upon thousands of starfish. Washed ashore by a storm, they were dying in the hot sum. The girl began to toss starfish back into the sea, one by one. After a while, a man approached her. “Little girl,” he asked, “why are you doing this? There are thousands of starfish on the beach. You cannot possibly hope to make a difference!” The girl was discouraged, and dropped the starfish in her hand. But a moment later, she bent down, picked up the starfish again, and tossed it as far as she could into the sea. She turned back to the man. Smiling brightly, she said, “I made a difference to that one!”
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A real update! [10 May 2006|11:15pm]
Do you ever wish you could fast-forward your life? Past finals and housing disappointments and all that crap? Fast-forward to your own house with your husband and children… To your career and being mommy? To tucking your kids into bed and being woken up in the middle of the night because someone had a bad dream? To falling asleep next to your husband and waking up together to that damn alarm? To anniversaries and children’s birthdays?

There was a commercial on tv (couldn’t even tell you what it was for) but it suddenly made me wish I could just jump to that part of my life….

As much as I want to, I think about everything I would be fast-forwarding past… graduation, living in NYC, the excitement of realizing you’ve meet the man of your dreams, planning a wedding, buying a house (or a car for that matter), being pregnant, naming your children, celebrating Christmas for the first time with your own family…. I don’t want to miss any of that, but then again, I can’t wait to be in a place where I feel stable and secure—no more waiting and wondering…
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Size Matters [08 May 2006|01:02pm]
I do believe this song was written about me!

Someday she wants a big ol' house sittin' on a big ol' hill,
And a mile long tree lined driveway for her big ol' Coupe DeVille.
Yeah, someday she wants a big ol' bank accountwith too much to spend,
But right now all she wants is a man.

With a big ol' heart, who can love her like nobody can.
Big ol' kisses that go on and on and never end.
With a big ol' smile, he'll fill her world with laughter:
Size matters; size matters.

Someday, she wants a big ol' ring with a big ol' rock that shines,
And a big ol' walk-in closet with shoes of every kind.
Yeah, someday she wants a big ol' boat where she can lay around gettin' a tan,
But right now all she wants is a man.
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[05 May 2006|02:12pm]
Nothing like a few grey's quotes to put me ina good mood.

Dr. Derek Shepherd: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that we managed to stop the bleeding. The bad news is that we gave your penis to the cops.

Dr. Meredith Grey: At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross.

Dr. Cristina Yang: You are eight feet tall. Your boobs are perfect. Your hair is down to there. If I was you I would just walk around naked all the time. I wouldn't have a job, I wouldn't have any skills, I wouldn't even know how to read. I would just be... naked.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: It's makeup. It's retouching.
Dr. Cristina Yang: You get that we hate you, right?

Dr. George O'Malley: I don't think you understand. Me - gonads! You - ovaries!
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Oh, that reminds me. We are out of tampons.
Dr. George O'Malley: You're parading through the bathroom in your underwear, while I'm naked in the shower!
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Will you add it to your list, please?
Dr. George O'Malley: What?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Tampons!
Dr. Meredith Grey: To the list. It's your turn.
Dr. George O'Malley: I am a man! I don't buy girl products. I don't want to see you walking in while I'm in the shower. And I don't wanna see you in your underwear!
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: It doesn't bother me, okay? Look at me in my underwear, George. Take your time, it's no big deal.
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Copying Lauren [20 Apr 2006|06:05pm]
44 Things to do in my life

1. Fall in love forever
2. Swim with dolphins
3. Sky Dive or Bungee jump
4. Get Married
5. Have children
6. Adopt a child
7. Celebrate a 50th anniversary
8. Take a Cruise
9. Visit the Caribbean
10. Tour Europe
11. Go to school on London
12. Become a teacher
13. Flip Houses
14. Build, live, and own my dream house
15. Slow down and take everything in
16. Kiss in the Rain
17. Continue exercising more
18. Learn to enjoy life despite the stress
19. Learn Yoga
20. Have a dream wedding
21. Be more romantic
22. Learn the secret to life
23. Work with Habitat for Humanity
24. Make a difference in someone’s life
25. Go to the Theater more
26. Go on a road trip (still loving those Crossroads days)
27. Cut my hair for Locks of Love.
28. Tell people how I really feel and stop trying to sugarcoat everything or pretend it doesn’t bother me
29. Lose weight
30. Be a little more compassionate
31. Make more friends
32. Be more outgoing
33. Never stop learning
34. Be comfortable with who I am
35. Get a cat (after I’m married of course)
36. Life in New York City for a year
37. Learn Sign Language
38. Find my Soul mate
39. Let myself be more vulnerable
40. Try every cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory
41. Take a trip to California
42. Have our little pity party (yes, some of you know what and when that is)
43. Visit Montreal before I’m 21 (because otherwise what’s the fun?)
44. Put my children through college (yes, I know it is #44, but I had to add it)
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And the answer is.... [19 Apr 2006|11:46am]
Nice try guys, but no one wins the prize. Kyle bought himself a harmonica and in one VERY long night (for me at least), he taught himself Jingle Bells.
3 comments|post comment

[18 Apr 2006|11:21pm]
You are NEVER going to guess what instument my brother has taken up. Please, take a guess and the winner MIGHT just get a prize if i can find enough change hiding under the couch.
6 comments|post comment

[12 Apr 2006|09:30pm]
lau wills: hahahahahahahahaha
lau wills: you're sorta evil. but i love you even more for it.

Oh how i love our little conversations :)
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[10 Apr 2006|01:15pm]
So Gwyneth's baby boy is named Moses... I was hoping for Pomegranate or Papaya. Guava would have been cool too...
2 comments|post comment

BC [07 Apr 2006|01:05pm]
1)Did we all see the BC shout out on the OC last night?? we could hear screams in the halls. haha
2)"Boston College's tuition tab of $44,226 now surpasses Harvard, Dartmouth, Holy Cross, Princeton and Notre Dame." Well this totally sucks!
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<3 [06 Apr 2006|05:36pm]
Completely loving my new CD. Here are some bits and pieces of the lyrics that I am obsessed with.

You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand
Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

I should be out in that driveway stopping you
Tears should be rolling down my cheek
And I don't know why I'm not falling apart
Like I usually do
And how the thought of losing you's not killing me
I feel bad
That I can stand here strong
Cold as stone, Seems so wrong
I can't explain it
Maybe it's just
I've cried so much
I'm tired and I'm numb Baby I hate it
I feel bad that I don't feel bad

I hope that days come easy and moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

More then anything, more then anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it,
To your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more then you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more then you take.

my broken hearts been shattered
One too many times
And I don't want to see you anymore
I'm just not that strong
I love it when you're here,
But I'm better when you're gone
:( (reminds me SOO much of “stay gone” which is also amazing but sad)

You waved your hand and it was done
So let it be and there it was
A mountain, so high, it broke through, the sky
A canyon, so deep, it'll bring a man to his knees

I've seen what you can do
I've seen you make miracles and hopeless dreams come true
You've made the heavens and the stars
Everything, come on how hard
Could it be, To make her love me?

We were wrapped up in a blanket
red wine buzz kickin' in
a little Sarasota moonlight
driftwood fire burnin'

she was on break from Ohio State
and I was down there sellin'
parasail rides
just another summer day
till I strapped her in and
watched her fly

Talk about a sunset
all I could see were purples
and reds
and her silhouette wavin' goodbye
she didn't come there lookin' for love
and the cool thing was
neither did I and neither did I

Yes, I know that that was a lot of lyrics and you probably didn’t read them, but I love love love love love THEM!!! :)
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